War Dance 6.0

Friday, May 28, 2004
shooting an elephant

Single again. Nuff said.

Open Mic Night is tonight in room e-11 at Vista High.6-8pm,

I've tasted euphoria [07:38 a.m.].

Wednesday, May 26, 2004
updates no one really cares about

working on stripe 5 of the this-goes-against-my-morals-Gryffindor scarf. It actually looks quite ravishing, except for a little hole on the second stripe whre i appear to have dropped a stitch or three, but thats very easily fixed. i finally frogged my slythie scarf, and rolled each stripe into a ball, so that i kno where i am and how much i've used. im gonna re-knit it with a shorter width and a little less long - 6 and a half feet is MUCH too long (i'll keep it at five and a half). and then i'm going to make a hat from the left-overs. i think it'll be very nice~ the funky chunky is going to be a purse, i just need to find a proper fabric for the interior. i'm considering a light grey-green courduroy.

i'm making cookies tonight for the Open Mic Night at the high shool on friday, and hopefully that'll get done quickly, because i also have a book report i've got to write. x_x oh, and math homework. Tomorrow i'm teaching Cassy to knit, whcih should be pretty fun. Yay for stitch n bitches. Ive been trying for AGES to get one going, so this should be pretty snazzy (even if it's just us two).

I've tasted euphoria [12:33 p.m.].

Monday, May 24, 2004
Prayers

Blessed are you God, king of the universe, who reminds me I am not weak nor helpless, as I sometimes think I am.

I've tasted euphoria [08:21 p.m.].

Friday, May 21, 2004
whatever BITCH

My day was actually relatively alright., I got up at ass-cack of down, went to a nice cafe for breakfast (best biscuits and gravy EVER), got to school at 8-ish. Now, what you must ubnderstand is that there was no school today. I had a speech to give, and my appointment wasnt until 11:10, so i hug around like a loser keeping various people ompany till my speech, which wasnt ba, but wasnt good either, and i think i offended 1/4 of the panel. Ouch. The nice black lady seemed impressed though. Ran into Erin and Lynn - who is awesome and is gtting mew the hookup with a friend of hers who runs the bookstore at my college. Here's hoping for a part-time job. Hung out with Liesel for a few hours and came home.

i had a great 4-way convo with Jeff, my sister, and my brother about politics, and chatted briefly with Logan. I HAD been having a nice evening until my mothr decided that she "knows whats best for [me]" and that i couldnt go out because i'd "had too many late nights". Im sorry. i havent been out almost at ALL - and certaintly not late - in the past 2 weeks. And any all-nighters ive had were school related, and i think i deserve some down time for the fucking weekend.

But whatever.

I've tasted euphoria [11:24 p.m.].

Wednesday, May 19, 2004
congratulations! you have now been PWNZD.

okay, so, im driving down this REALLY ubercurvy road with angel, and this little ass new blue and white suzuki crotch rocket pulls up behind us and starts getting all on our ass (she drives a 94 Honda Civic Del Sol - completely unmodified) and so we're taking these turns at a reasonable speed of 50-55 mph...and smoking this guys ass.
And so were laughing our asses off and you can TELL hes getting agitated, because he keeps speeding up.. and we are SO way ahead of him. And so we pull up to the stop sign/4 way intersection, and he's practically in a gay porno he's so close to our ass (suck my tail-pipe, bitch!), and then we go, and the fucker pops a wheelie like he's all cool (still on our ass) - sad sad little man XD we're all like, "youre feeling insecure and unmanly....we understand." all sympathetic like XD

so yeah. we pwnzd his ass.

dear guy-in-leather-pants-who-got-smoked,
sorry about your penis. and, yknow. whupping yer arse. >_>
haha, yeah RIGHT!
Love (and by love, we mean, unsypathetic laughter -ha.ha.ha.),
Angel & Z

I've tasted euphoria [04:38 p.m.].

Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Just Rambling

looks like i'll be updating here more often...evberything else is blocked from school, but hey, that has its advantages, i suppose.

there's really been so much going on, but i dont know what to say when i sit down to blog about it. School has been crazy (16 school days left!) and it's honestly been one of the most academically stressful months ive ever had. Prom was pretty classy, and i did the stereotypical thing and got shitfaced afterwords; but i give myself a little bit of credit because most people showed up shitfaced. Ah, the joys of living in the ghetto. Oddly enough, a lot of people were drinking at school yesterday too, probably trying to get rid of their stashes before being discovered by their parents. What I want to know is who has the booze and why arent i getting any? greedy bastards.

i'm resolved not to talk about my love life here any more, because it's all i ever blog about and nobody (including me) wants to read that. So here's to a new era!

Someday, i will abandon LJ and GJ as i have DJ and melo, and i will only blog here and on my b2 blog over at lemon-twist, which still needs it's coding tweaked. I cant figure out whats wrong with it though, so i have to send my user info over to twinny and have her do it. I also need to send her presents, but shh! dont tell.

i also have to work on schoolwork and change this layout. as gorgeous as it is, it isnt appropriate for my librarians to see. >_>

I've tasted euphoria [01:40 p.m.].

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Boys Suck Ass

You know what? i am SO not happy with Logan and Mason right now. I mean, Mason isnt going to faire for a good reason, he's moving to texas, im glad for him and all but he had promised me he'd be here.Now he's acting like he didnt even know about it when i've reminded him everytime we've talked since december. And i dont know how happy i am about him going to El Paso with Kim. I like Kim, she's fantastic and all....but i'm attached. And then, there's Logan. Who, even after swearing up and down he'd be at this faire, is ditching me to go play PAINTBALL with his marine buddies. He never calls, and when he does, it's either to say goodnight or ask for mako's phone number. That's real nice, feel a girl up then only call her to ask for another girl's number. THIS IS WHY I DONT DATE MILITARY GUYS. Fucking jerk.

Doesnt help that Ben is distracting me to the point of almost walking into trees. And he isnt even looking in my direction. x_x

I've tasted euphoria [08:17 a.m.].

Monday, March 29, 2004
i could sleep for a million years

fuck it. i dont care anyways.

I've tasted euphoria [11:43 p.m.].

Thursday, March 25, 2004
Horror With Eyeballs

i am tired, i am nauseous, and all i really want is to curl up and die, to go to sleep and not bother regaining consciousness until sometime in June.

i don't care about any of this anymore. I dont care about school or making other people proud. i dont care about success, i dont care about being some wonderful attorney, or traveling the world. i dont fucking care.

this IS selfish. it's selfish and juvenile. i know it. i just cant bring myself to care all that much, when all i want is to just sleep.

but i can't, of course, because the moment i lay down on the mattress, my spine revolts and my stomach churns. Everytime i close my eyes my nightmares come back. And each morning even when i know i should be awake, and i am not sleeping, death clings to my eyelids and wont let go. The Sandman hangs around me, cradling me in my warm blankets and soft pillows, and his promises of restful slumber are far, far too tempting.

but if i stay awake long enough, if i peel open my lids from the brink of closure, i can escape the sandman and his false dreams and disgusting nightmares.

i dont want to sleep. i have never been afraid of the dark, i'm just afraid i shall never wake.

I've tasted euphoria [10:59 p.m.].

Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Love, Actually

She said, "...you know what I love....those little curly pieced of hair that fall in your eyes..." and i near about fainted dead away.

im determined not to get ahead of myself in this, to get too attached, too commited too early. Determined not to fall head over feet yet again.

somehow, i dont think that determination will own up to much. :)

I've tasted euphoria [10:36 p.m.].

Monday, December 8, 2003
damn i need to update this layout

Well, the first issue of our school paper is out (it only took a semester), er, it will be out. we're waiting on one of our editors to finish the sports and back pages, and then it'll go out. we've already started on issue 2.

I need to go out and buy like, 3 and a quarter yards of FUN flannel to make snuggly pajamas out of. oh, and a long arse zipper. and, you know, pre-made collars cause im lazy. er....

i updated my WEBSITE, you hobos. Go look, even though the coding is being an ass-hat and not working. i cant figure out why, all the coding is good, but, ugh....i ahte everything work-related today.

in HAPPY(ish) news, i am passing my math class (but only just). Hermann says i have to 'stay awake [in his class] or not come at all'. words can not DESCRIBE how much i would love to tell him to shove it up is i-live-in-la-jolla-and-am-SO-much-better-than-you-ass. not to mention, he hasnt even been in class for a week, AND i wasnt even sleeping in his class today! i had my head on my arm cause i was writing and i could see straight. Stupid blighter.

my SO is very VERY cute <3333333333333333333333333333

I've tasted euphoria [06:04 p.m.].

Tuesday, October 28, 2003
The sky's on fire

working on a new layout. sorry the images arent working on this one for some reason.

there are a lot of fires burning in my county right now, as imsure some of you have heard... This fire (when you combine all 5 branches of it) is the biggest one in the history of our county. Today, one was about 15 minutes from my house, but i guess they got it under control cause we werent evacuated. Ive been having trouble breathign because the smoke is literally EVERYWHERE. thank god for inhalers.

i dont know whether im depressed or happy lately. its all a jumble.

Blue yonder dreams and second hand shoes
You're so far gone that you live to close
And it's too late to go home all alone
You're the tar in that old cigar
And the worn out cable on a cable car
And you're too tired to admit you've got to chose

I've tasted euphoria [10:23 p.m.].

Sunday, September 7, 2003
So.

School begins, along with extra-curricular activities, homework, staying in to do said homework, stopping seeing everyone outside your classes, and the bitching about it. Oh, and the dead baby jokes. You cant forget the dead baby jokes.

By the way, my friend Ruddy's band, Neato Neon, is the best fucking Scrance band EVER. What is scrance? it is screamy-dance, obviously. You didnt know that? Fuck, what is wrong with you??? Anyways, check them out here Ruddy is the sexiest fucker ever.

[/plug]

I've tasted euphoria [08:21 p.m.].

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
O_____________O

where the hell have i been?!

I've tasted euphoria [09:14 p.m.].

Monday, August 18, 2003
love!

seriously, i love some of my friends so much. always around to cheer me up.

i love you guys, really, i do.

I've tasted euphoria [12:51 p.m.].

Saturday, August 2, 2003
Golden

I am golden
I am joy
Im not running circles
anymore
I will dance in the sun
And eat of the fruit
No happiness can be denied me
because the world is at my door
I wont surrender
You will never see me wave
a white flag above me
I am the Huntress
I will be ambitious
I will get what i want
because i deserve it
Everything comes full circle
And once i danced in the silvery moon
now i run around in the sun
I am Golden
I am Golden
I am Golden ---(c) Anya 8/2/03

I've tasted euphoria [11:59 a.m.].

Saturday, August 2, 2003
A bit of Slam Poetry

if you're going to lie to me - dont.
Are you happier now without me?
Do you smile when you wake up beside her?
And while your twisting the knife in my back,
I will smile and laugh
Because you think you're being smoothe about it
Your betrayal hurts, but i've been
I've been living just fine
without you for sometime now
And though you dont know
I'm just fine
just fine
And while you were thinking i'll never get by
I was moving on
And when you thought you were doing me a favour...
Well, you're not.
So will you smile when you wake up tomorrow?
Cause i'll be happier here without you
But -I- wont lie,
This pain in my back is killing me
like i've been stabbed in the back with a KNIFE

I've tasted euphoria [11:38 a.m.].

Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Across the universe (or: more lyrics as a post)

----yes, i do know this is a cop-out. i am lazy----

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns and calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai guru deva

I've tasted euphoria [12:32 a.m.].

Saturday, July 26, 2003
men are pigs.

I never thought i'd talk to him again. of course he tries to be all suave, but to bad, jersey-boyfriend. I wont succumb to your charms - not now, not ever ever again, because i'm much smarter now, and I can see what you do. I know all your moves, and i'm in control of the chessboard. I wont be laid down on my back and kept in the kitchen out of the way - not by you or anyone else. I'm not your 'girl' - I am my own woman. I am strong, I am reasonably independent, I am ambitious - and frankly, I wont take your shit. I might have when I was 14 and naiive, but im not the little girl I was anymore. So fuck off. You did your damage, and I wont let you do anymore. Have a nice life, far far away from mine. jersey-boyfriend: I didn't make you hate men did I? hah!

I've tasted euphoria [09:59 p.m.].

Friday, July 25, 2003
what a let down..

well, if you never see me post here again, on my livejournal, deadjournal, melo, or update my site; it is safe to assume that either a) my parents killed me, or b) i finished off the advil bottle.

Nice knowing you all, folks. Its been a wild ride.

I've tasted euphoria [08:27 a.m.].

Friday, July 25, 2003
Drink it up men, it's long after ten

you know, there hasnt been much going on lately. but i kind of feel like i have to update this every now and then even though no one reads it. ive been getting more and more mercurial lately, spending time at the beach (where the seaweed is disintegrating and making sludge in the water that, though natural and safe, still gross), and watching General Hospital. Im turning girly, kill me now. waiting for my dad to come home so we can go shooting, but until then, me and my brother have been amusing ourselves playing games like Phantom Inferno that makes us not only assasins, but assasins that get to hang around hot chicks. Man, that would be the life. Oh, lets not forget arguing the non-existance of an Assault Rifle. i say it is, he says it isnt, and no one can check. Ah, family mysteries!! On a side note, my great(x?)-grandfather's sword from the Civil War, which is not only dull but very heavy, is in need of restoration. Id like to keep it how it is, but we cant u_u. Funny part is, i use to chase my brother around the house with it, saying it still had the blood of rebels on it to scare him.... turns out, that spot i always figured for rust actually WAS blood. not only is that cool, but it makes me psychic. *huggles family past*

I've tasted euphoria [04:09 a.m.].

Tuesday, July 15, 2003
gypsy's dont do well in stone walls

i hate my family. i hate my mom constantly bitching me out when i havent done ANYTHING but what she tells me to do. and i feel fat. and here's ruddy, who'se one of the most beautiful people i know, saying he's so ugly blah blah. i WISH i had his looks! fuck, im so wretched compared to most of my friends. i need to go out and be with people who make me feel beautiful, in a place that makes me feel superb, far, far away from here

I've tasted euphoria [08:19 p.m.].

Saturday, July 12, 2003
Dont Need The Sunshine

Well it�s a most peculiar feeling, like sunburn in the evening
With dark clouds on their way
And you think it�s most unlikely life could ever shine as brightly
Once the sun has gone and the pressure�s on
And the rain is here again
But you don�t need the sunshine
You don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving (anyone�s giving)
And I don�t mind your lies so keep on talking
But do you find the change in the seasons affects you without reason?
You�ve greetings but nothing more to say
And you swear you�d feel much better if only summer�d last foreverbut the sky is clear and you�re nowhere near
And the rain is here again
But you don�t need the sunshine (I don�t mind the rain)
You don�t need the good times (you could feel the same)
Lean on me maybe you could see it through
If you would only believe a single word is true
You don�t need the sunshine
Don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving (anyone�s giving)
And I don�t mind your lies so keep on talking
Well I throw away my sunshines, my so-called little lifelines
Do you know what I mean?
When I decided that the answer could not be bought across the countermy sista dista has left for good
Now the rain has gone away
And you don�t need the sunshine
Don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving (anyone�s giving)
And I don�t mind your lies so keep on talking
Don�t need the sunshine
(the rain has gone away)
Don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving
Don�t need the sunshine
(the rain has gone away)
Don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving
Don�t need the sunshine
(the rain has gone away)
Don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving
Don�t need the sunshine
(the rain has gone away)
Don�t need the good times
Don�t need anything anyone�s giving
And I don�t mind your lies so keep on talking

I've tasted euphoria [02:17 a.m.].

Friday, July 4, 2003
replacementphobic

im sorry

i think im just insecure and scared.

I've tasted euphoria [12:54 a.m.].

Monday, June 30, 2003
The skies are bright, but the sun is sad

And it seemed as if today was going to be so lovely, too...

I've tasted euphoria [10:28 a.m.].

Friday, June 27, 2003
early morning insanity

happy 5am. This is the 13th night in a row ive been up this late. go me.

i need to stop this madness...

I've tasted euphoria [04:41 a.m.].

Tuesday, June 24, 2003
i dont care if im being childish.

Fuck You. i see little to no point in continuing this absurd charade. I hate games like this.

I know no one wants to talk to me or see me, with the exception of maybe one or two people who seem to have dissappeared. And frankly, maybe i dont want to talk to a bunch of people who only hang around me for pity. i am no-ones pity friend. if you dont want to see me, just fucking say it to my face, you worthless bastards.

im tired of sitting here, pouring out my heart and soul and killing myself for people who wouldnt do the same for me. YOURE NOT WORTH IT.

really, i just want to get out of here for good. both physically and metaphysically. *sigh* would it be different if i were gone? if i were dead or if i moved? Of course not. The only difference would be you couldnt talk to me instead of wont talk to me. So where's the difference? wheres the point in staying?

this is a fucking useless game. im taking my leggos and going home.

I've tasted euphoria [08:48 a.m.].

Tuesday, June 24, 2003
i dont care if im being childish.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003
mirth

Not hungry today. feeling very gross and fat... and jiggly... i need to tone up, i need to lose like..a zillion pounds *sigh* i REALLY wish i were 110. id be the perfect wieght then....i need to lose like, 2 unches off my inner thighs then theyd be gorgeous..wish my hair would make up its mind as to whether its curly or straight and NOT fro out..wish it were long and really curly or really straight..at least thinner than it is...im not even tan anymore..im all gross and pale...which looks fine on my gothy friends but i have olive skin.. i mean, shit i used to have GORGEOUS dark caramel skin.. now i'm just gross and pale...i'll probably go out and tan in the backyard tomorrow, even though im not supposed to be in the sun cause of my meds.

shit..i just cant do ANYTHING right today.......i fucking hate myself..........

I've tasted euphoria [12:12 a.m.].

Monday, June 16, 2003
why the fuck am i awake?

new layout, which was much needed. i like this one a lot better. yay, no more tables *pets divs*.

i need to brush my teeth... gotta put that fluoride shit on.

WHY the fuck am i still up?!?!?!?!

I've tasted euphoria [04:07 a.m.].

Sunday, June 15, 2003
mehf.

had an absolutely rotten long day, and have been having them all week. this pattern has to stop. tomorrow's going to be tough too. i dont get paid enough for this...oh, thats right. i dont get paid at all. bastards.

feeling oddly jealous, and worried. the two are completely unrelated, actually, but im feeling them both. i want to claw something apart right now, just to get my frustrations out. maybe im just subconsciously horny. who knows?

my angel is sick.......well.not sick, persay, but she isnt well. i wish i knew what was wrong.......................

I've tasted euphoria [02:01 a.m.].

Sunday, June 8, 2003
Opus

Make them laugh. They'll have a hard time shooting you.
What if anything were possible?
If you have no voice, scream; if you have no legs, run; if you have no hope, invent.
In the brave new world of the year 2000, a kiss can still break your heart.
If I were King, who would replace me?
We have no illusions.....

I've tasted euphoria [08:02 p.m.].

Monday, June 2, 2003
Love is still shit. Just thought id remind you.

its 1:30 in the morning and i have class at 8 which means i have to leave by 7:30. so i should get to bed by 4, but i was cleaning my room, so my bed is cluttered and im too lazy to clean it. so im either going to pull an all nighter, or sleep on the couch. SATs this weekend. kill me now.

I've tasted euphoria [01:36 a.m.].

Saturday, May 31, 2003
Just for a second there I thought I saw something move

Lot of water under the bridge, Lot of other stuff too
Don't get up gentlemen, I'm only passing through

I've tasted euphoria [11:36 a.m.].

Wednesday, April 16, 2003
blood work

so, i managed to slice my self up in the shower not once, not twice, but yes indeed, four times while shaving despite me being really careful. Picking skin chunks out of razors is wierd. o_O but none the less, i was bleeding up a storm (as usual), so i decided to stop the bleeding using... ..wait for it....... yes. 13$/YD pink oriental jaquard. but only a small square of it. jaquard is surprisingly absorbant and becomes very still and lovely when soaked in blood. Kinda cool, actually. So yah. i have a present for you angel. I just need to send it ^_^;; blood, chau's cd, and also a special surprise puresento! =D

I've tasted euphoria [11:55 p.m.].

Archives?